Legs, Irresistibe, Invention, Why?

It's a known fact that most women shave their legs, armpits, and usually, their bikini line. But some girls shave their arms, too. What do you think about this?

I never really noticed the shaved arms thing. Maybe you've been hanging out in Cali a little too long. Some girls I know do have really thick arm hair but I imagine that if they shaved it, it would grow back even thicker and would be some pretty rough stubble. I think, for aesthetic purposes, girls should consider dying their arm hair a lighter brown if its dark and thick, otherwise just leave it. The only people who really care are girls you don't know and gay men.

Would you rather be rich, irresistible to women, or famous? Difficulty: being one does not necessarily mean being any of the other. Plenty of rich people are disgusting to women and are not famous (i.e., hick lottery winners); being irresistible to women does not make you rich nor famous (like that guy you know who always has chicks but he's a total loser?); and of course, famous people may be neither rich nor hot to girls (like Tonya Harding.) So...which is it?

I have no desire to be famous, maybe Bruce Wayne famous or Warren Buffet famous but not celebrity famous. That narrows it down to two. I'll then consider being rich. Now, as you can see from this article, hick lottery winners don't usually stay rich b/c they are a bunch of idiots. Currently, I have less than a dime to my name, yet I'd say that I'm pretty much a rich person already. I've got a pretty good head on my shoulders and if I decided to put some work in, I could be quite rich. Thus, I guess my desire to be rich isn't that strong. Or maybe, since I've already "won the lottery" but have not cashed in my ticket, I just don't care to be rich right now. Therefore, I obviously would rather be irresistible to women. Not sure how this would differ from normal life, probably has something to do with if she's from LI, jewish, and looking for a sugar daddy or not. Those girls love me. The only downside to being irresistible to women is that your hot ass girlfriend would always be suspicious and jealous b/c I'm so damn irresistible. The obvious upside to being good looking is A) the girls B) the slack at work C) the higher pay and the newly discovered D) Less prone to commit a crime. Too bad I can't have all three like Brad Pitt. He's just the man.

3) What is the greatest invention of our generation? Car and light bulb don't count; iPods don't count, either (because they are too new to be "our generation").

I think inventions need to be put into categories as you can't compare apples and oranges:

Media: The 1/2 sports / guys movie 1/2 chick flick. This idea was invented with Top Gun and perfected with Jerry McGuire. Its a story about sports or a war or something exciting that they throw a really good romance into. For some reason undefined in this world, girls are confident they are watching a chick flick while guys are damn sure they are watching an action / sports movie. The perfect formula mixes a some great action sequences with some bad romance scenes that happen to have a really hot lead actress. Some miserable failures have way too much action and a worthless romance, thus a guy would have to watch alone. Examples of failures include "True Lies" which lacked enough of a love story and a hot chick. Anyway, besides comedies, these are the only movies that you can sit with a girl and both truly enjoy, thus, a wonderful invention.

Food: Flame Broiled Double Whopper Value Meal. (Close second to the mozzarella stick bbq buffalo wing, spicy buffalo chicken tender combo)

Fashion: This may only apply to guys but I think the reversible belt invention is amazing. One day, its brown, the next its black. Same belt. People have been wearing belts since the 1,400's and they just came up with this one recently.

Travel: Tie - EZpass / Airport Self Check In. When traveling, its all about convenience. I do love those new signs at the airport baggage claim that say something like "Your bag is created to protect the contents, thus we are not responsible for destroying the bag." While that one is pure genius, it might be too recent, so in a few years, it may overtake the current winners.

Hygene: Anti Bacterial Soap - This stuff says it kills 99% of the bacteria on your hands. Does that mean that it can't kill the other 1%? That other 1% is probably the really bad stuff and it probably spreads all over your hands after you use the anti bacterial soap, feeding on the remains of the dead bacteria. Somehow, we survived evolution without washing our hands every 15-20 minutes and yet these guys are doing like $1,000,000,000 in sales annually. Genius.

Sports: The Skeleton: The skeleton is an event at the winter olympics where the "athlete" goes HEAD FIRST on a sled the size of a cafeteria tray down the Luge / Bobsled track. Now, I know the luge guys talk shit to the bobsled guys like "its nice and safe in that big metal box, isn't it? If you get too scared going down you can just duck your head and close your eyes." And I'm sure the bobsledders fire right back with something like "If you guys got any closer on that doubles luge, you wouldn't be able to get married in 48 of the 50 states" The skeleton guys must just sit there watching their subordinates fight over who's second because its obvious who's got the balls in the ice sledding arena. They go 80 miles an hour, head first with no protection but a helmet. The only thing that would compare in terms of balls and craziness would be backwards ski jumping or something like that.

None of these inventions compare to how much I like evaporation though. How sucky our world would be if it were wet all the time and if nothing dried. I guess thats not an invention, well, at least not one in our generation.

Did you always enjoy writing/journaling, or is this a recent interest sparked by the modern availability of a mass-medium and the ease at which the "everyday joe" can have his own little soapbox from which to yell (a.k.a., 'blogging)?

I never used to enjoy writing. In HS I was pretty much in remedial English, and I got a C my senior year. My senior year teacher kept professing how the hardest class at Rutgers was freshman Expository writing, however, I got an A and went back to HS and rubbed it in her face. (ok, not really, but I did fantasize about it). I'm not sure if it helped that my college graduate professor for Expos was friends w/my sister. yea, it probably did. Anyway, the next 3 years I kept getting A's in my Finance classes and B+'s in my History classes, most likely because of the quality of my writing skills and not the crazy theories I was writing my papers about (My favorite was arguing that without Mexico, we never would have had an industrial revolution in the US). Good times. ANYWAY, I really didn't enjoy writing, I didn't enjoy other people reading what I wrote and I certainly didn't enjoy other people commenting on my writing. Obviously, it started 2.5 years ago, prompted by Jana, but I have no idea why I no like writing...esp when I don't really write about anything. Maybe I didn't want to be anonymous anymore...like you were for almost 2 years.

Thanks for that "a.k.a., 'blogging'" I had no idea what you mean. I hate you AP english people and your perfect grammar FYI !!!

As always, to submit a question - askbens@yahoo.com

The Age Old Question

I've never been able to answer this question, and have learned that the "no" reflex is highly effective at answering it, so I've handed it over to my trusty NEW sidekick Suzanne.

soo...Ben i'm eating this ice cream sandwich reading your new blog and felt the need to contribute...this is the best i could come up with...anyways... Ben, Do you think i am fat? ;-)
(Just Say No)

Dear Reader,

There are two answers to your questions - a long answer, and a short one. Discussing at length, I'll first point out that your question is one of the "Eternal Questions". These questions plagued humanity since it became self-aware, and it ranks right up there with "What is the meaning of life?" and "Is there a God?" The question "Do you think I'm fat?" has so many sociological and psychological connotations, and we could spend all day deconstructing the linguistic aspects of your query as well as the surrounding circumstances involved. For instance, you feel compelled to mention that you are eating an ice cream sandwich. The act of eating an indulgent treat has inevitably triggered a guilt mechanism within your subconscious cortex, which has manifested itself in an outward expression of vulnerability. You want validation for your indulgence; you want to know that it is OK to eat ice cream sandwiches. Which of course it is, even though you are very, very fat. So fat, that you can't even see your legs when you walk - it's just like you are gliding across the floor. You're so fat, that after sex you smoke a ham. You gotta make two trips to "haul ass". Your cereal bowl has a lifeguard, you so fat. You sat on four quarters and farted out a dollar. When you walk past a TV, people miss like...three commercials. You bleed milkshakes. You've' been declared a natural habitat for eagles and condors. (Please insert any other "Yo Mama's So Fat" jokes here) So very fat.

In short, Reader, the answer to your question is "Yes." So put down the sandwich, which you are inevitably gripping with your thick, sausagey fingers. Wipe those crumbs from you fat maw. Go run a lap or two, resting assured in the fact that indeed, you are fat. So fat, you look like a pool table when you wear a green dress.

Feb 10, 2005

If a Muslim male suicide bomber gets 70 virgins when he goes to heaven, what does a Muslim female suicide bomber get? Just one of those questions that keeps me up at night.

What happens to a woman who kills herself hardly keeps me up at night. The things that keep me up at night are usually alive and kick in their sleep or pertain to nuclear holocausts. I’m sorry this troubles you so much. I think the real question is, “What’s so great about 72 virgins anyway?” Maybe I don’t get it, but if I die, I’d rather have about 6 really good and clean strippers or “working girls.” I mean, how boring would the sex be with 72 virgin Muslim women. I’m sorry, but you’d have to have sex with each of them at least 25x before they loosened up enough to make the sex fun and enjoyable. Now, if my math is correct, that’s 1,800 fucks or almost 5 years of sex if you have sex once a day before the sex is good. I’m sorry, but that’s just not that exciting to me. I’m pretty sure that the ultimate would involve me and 2 different experienced girls at the same time on an unlimited basis.

The obvious answer to your question is that they become one of the virgins. However, I’d argue that they get much luckier, and are reincarnated as a Americans.

What happened to Arnoldbabar, Hattsofftomarge, Pink, Happyface, Iowa, and IrwinMaurice?

Arnold, Hatts, and Irwin moved to Florida and have given up on keeping up w/the journal. Pink started being not so nice to me, and after a week I wrote something back that wasn’t so nice either. So she blocked me on IM and I have not talked to her in about a month :(. Iowa sent me an email that it was unhealthy to be friends with me because we were not dating anymore. I’m not sure if it’s because she has a new boyfriend or if she’s just very mature, smart and liked me and didn’t want to get led on. Kinda sux, but I understand.

Why do men find women with those horrible fake nail attractive? I understand finding it attractive a girl who keeps herself clean and kempt, but sometimes those things get a little "out of hand" no pun intended.

I can’t stand fake nails if they are longer than ½ an inch. If they’re short, then they don’t look too horrible and then I don’t understand the question b/c I don’t think anyone likes the way those 2 inch fake nails look except loud girls with big butts on the subway. Oh, and you’re way to smart to get away with that “no pun intended” bull shit. You intended. I know you did.

What are the salaries for major Broadway show stars, for example, for the actor who plays the phantom or for the actor who plays Sweeney Todd? On the one hand they bring in lot of money for the theaters and producers, but on the other there is fierce competition for the positions, so many actors would do it for essentially nothing.

The big actors, with big names, bring sales and profits and thus get paid for it. The unknown leads, don’t get nearly the money they should. However, because of union contracts and whatnot, I’ve discovered that, “the minimum weekly salary for actors in Broadway productions as of June 30, 2005 was $1,422. Actors in Off-Broadway theaters received minimums ranging from $493 to $857 a week as of October 23, 2005, depending on the seating capacity of the theater.“

The Olympics begin tomorrow are you big Olympics person?

I was a big Olympics person when I was 8...maybe I enjoyed while in college...but I like the 1 off events that are never on TV. I hate swimming and running and that's pretty much all they show in the summer. I’ve . I’ve written extensively on how those 90 metals should be 4. In the winter, I want to see the ski jumping, the moguls and the luge, not figure skating, hockey, and the 95 speed skating races all at different lengths. Maybe I'd watch a speed skating marathon...like a 20 mile skate. That would be good.

Anyway, I'll watch when on...but I'm not spending a night at home watching opening ceremonies.

Do you know people who do that?

No, and if I did, I wouldn't be friends w/them anymore. Maybe I'll try to figure out when the luge is on FX and DVR it. Then I can watch it on Tuesday night when everyone is watching figure skating. (Judged events are not sports...they are competitions, but that’s a whole other article that I may have written already)

As a side note/post script. I turned on the opening ceremony tonight. Boy, was that a waste of 4 hours. I can’t imagine watching them being exciting or interesting unless you are there. And for the most interesting note of the evening: The US Olympians are wearing Roots clothing for the third games in a row. HELLO AMERICA, Roots is the largest Canadian clothing brand.

Did you hear the weather report? SNOW!

Where would I hear the weather report? I get my weather from 2 sources, A) Online, (and usually yahoo's front page which still thinks I live in Hoboken and just tells me what its currently like) or B) by walking outside.

Anyway, the answer is "No, but it’s about time!"

Why is it when you ask people what kind of music they like, 90% of them will say "Everything but country"? Real country music isn't that bad, and when they say everything do they really mean it - like, everything as in Norwegian Death Metal and Britney Spears included? I've never understood this statement.

I hate that question in general. The only people who ask me that question are people who I’ve known for less than 10 minutes. When that question comes up, I usually start lying to them b/c obviously I’m bored if I let the conversation get to that point. If I were interested, I’d be asking the questions and would be staying away from really horrible topics like “Where’d you go to school?” and “What do you do?” I pretty much categorize the “What kind of music do you listen to?” as the “Do you come here often?” of the 80’s.

I’m like a politician dodging this question, probably b/c I usually just answer “Everything but country.” From now on, I’m going to start using “Norwegian Death Metal.” Actually, I’m going to try to get that phrase into at least one conversation a day. That’ll make my life slightly more interesting. Soon I’ll have people at work asking me why I keep referring to that kind of music and I’ll need good stories on how I got hooked on the stuff. Wow, I could kill 20 hours at work just dreaming of good “Norwegian Death Metal” stories. (Still dodging the question)

As always, to submit a question, email askbens@yahoo.com

Jan 27, 2006

Do you believe you had a prior life?

Do you understand how selfish that is? When someone says they “know” they are an old soul, all I can think is “conceited much?”Think about it this way: In 1850, there were 1B people in the world. So, someone who was born in 1850, lived 60 years and was reborn in 1910, lived 74 years and was reborn as you in 1984. In 1984, when you were born, there were over 5B. So, in order to believe that you were reincarnated only 2x, would be a very selfish assumption, since only 1 in 5 people alive would have been reincarnated 2x or more. In 1910, there were 1.75B people in the world. So that means that 3 of 5 people born in the 1980’s, are new souls...having never been reincarnated. If you thought you were around in Egyptian times (as someone I know has told me), and you consider that there were around 100M people in the world at year zero, then its clear how selfish someone who says that is…Thinking they are 1 of 60 people who's souls was around back then.
(Back Up Documentation)


CJ asks - How old are you? How old to you feel? Hope you had fun at McAlear's! Happy Birthday!

I did and thanks. I’m 26, I’m feeling old, slow, fat, and a little anxious. I’m starting to think that I need to start my life before I find my other half, instead of the other way around (as my sisters / parents) have done. I’ve spent so much time and energy on other people; I have not spent enough on myself. I think maybe I should get off my butt, do something worth while, and then maybe I’ll find someone along the way, it’s a big world.

Why do Kellogs Corn Pops come in a silvery metalic bag instead of a normal see through plastic/wax paper bag like all other cereal?

I have absolutely no idea. Its one of those mysteries in the world that I just love hearing the answer to, kinda like the 24 second shot, which Christine and I were discussing the origins of. She subsequently sent me “Biasone chose the unusual number of 24 seconds by figuring that the average number of shots two teams would take during a game was 120. He divided that number into 48 minutes or 2,880 seconds, the length of a game, and ended up with the magical number of 24.”
(Back Up Info)

Why can't you have your cake and eat it too? Who wants cake if they can't eat it? And how can you eat it w/o having it?

I have my cake and eat it all the time. Sometimes with ice cream, sometimes with chocolate sauce and sometimes with sugar lightly sprinkled. As for the saying, its more of a negotiating tool and a bad one at that. I want 2 things, you want 2 things, so we split the difference. I don’t believe in the saying for a second. If I can effectively argue for both things, I’m going to do it.

How do you get over someone you loved who no longer loves you? I've tried a rebound relationship, therapy, heavy drinking, and plain old giving it time. None are working. Its been over 6 months. Help, Ask Ben! Difficulty: I work with this person and his new girlfriend is ALSO a coworker so I see them both every day. Quitting is not an option and neither are going anywhere, either.

First of all…What were you thinking being serious w/a coworker. Your story is like the text book reason why don’t date co workers ot better yet, it would be a great Melrose Place episode. Nothing wrong with screwing a coworker on the side, but getting serious is not a good idea. It’ll totally mess with you mentally if you ever brake up.

I’m a huge fan of the clean break and the N/2 rule. That means A) You don’t stay friends with them and avoid all contact with them (you can’t do that) B) it will take you at least N/2 to be able to like someone again (N being the time period you dated). I break both rules all the time, I usually stay friends and usually see them…but I usually never liked them that much to begin with so its them who are actually breaking the rules. Getting over someone? That’s a totally different column, which I’ll start now…

Getting over someone is not possible. I don’t think you ever get over someone who’s emotionally affected you, whether it was sexual or not. You may stop thinking about them all the time, and you may be able to love again, but that does not mean you are "over" the person. That does not mean that if you bumped into that person 5 years from now, your heart and theirs, wouldn’t jump.

Many of us have had people like that in your lives, some of us are lucky or better off b/c of a situation like that, but none of us are “over” that person. I think I have 3 people (1 guy who’d I’d still rage after and would like to kill if I saw), who if I bumped into them on the street I wouldn’t know how to act and would get all flustered. I think a good analogy might be comparing it to losing a close relative. After time, you may not think about them as much, but when you do, your mood shifts to the way it was the last time you were with them or thought about them.

To summarize, basically you are screwed. The fact that he’s now with someone else at work is totally killing you, regardless if you dumped him or he dumped you. Right now, he’s happy = you’re not = you can see them every day. Did she know about you two beforehand b/c that’s screwed up on her part, too, and both should know better. There’s a courtesy issue at play here to. You don’t date 2 people who know each other.

My best suggestion, besides leaving your job, or doing to them what Anne Couler suggested we do to liberal supreme court judges today (poison them) is to have fun with it. You’re much smarter than whoever these people are (you’re much smarter than 99% of people). Use it. Mess w/them. Send him/her flowers from someone else. Put “no employee sex in the bathroom (and yes that includes you Joe and Kim)” signs inside some of the stalls (assuming their names are Joe and Kim). Make their lives miserable. I’d never do any of that, but for you, I think revenge is quite a viable option.

What is the best way to deal with neighbors who are un-neighborly? They're not loud or obnoxious, but they are unfriendly to me even when I say "Good morning" when I see them. I want to be a good neighbor; what do I do?

I don’t really understand the problem unless you want to be friends with them. If your neighbors are being abnormally unfriendly, there’s probably something wrong with them. There are 3 solutions. A) have a party and invite them. If they don’t come B) have a loud party and don’t and piss them off or C) (I hate to repeat my old advice), but have fun w/them and mess with them. Write them a letter from your landlord saying their rent is going to double. I know you’ve seen the Truman Show (I think you saw it w/me) so every time you see them, be overly friendly. “Good morning, and if I don’t see you, good afternoon, good evening and good night.” Let me know how it goes.

Do you have any methods to tell whether someone is having a boy or girl? Also, are you available to baby sit, say in August?

Baby gender comes down to one thing, Karma. It’s quite a simple formula where you take and in depth look at the father, and judge whether he deserves a boy or not (This theory only works under the assumption that most men want boys, esp. first and if they don’t want boys, what kind of man did you marry / have unprotected sex w?).

4 major categories:

#1 - Girls who hate him in this life? This is pretty self explanatory, count up the number of girls who he’s “dicked” over (including the expecting mother) who are thinking to themselves right now “Man, I really hope that guy has a girl, he deserves it”

#2 - Girls who hate him in his last life? This might be the hardest category to judge. Base it on how cute and smart he is. If he’s an idiot and ugly, Karma is still punishing him for being a jerk in his last life. Just take a guess based on degree of ugly and stupidity.

#3 - How many sisters does he have? If he’s had sisters, he’s probably A) been tortured enough B) knows how bad girls are and thus would avoid #1 at all costs and C) his dad obviously had bad Karma, and probably suffered enough for the rest of the family.

#4 - Did his dad treat his sister like she was a boy, or like he wished she was a boy (or if no sister, did his dad treat his wife like she was one of the guys)?

Add these up like so, #1 + #2 - #3 +/- 3 (plus for yes, minus for no). If these add up to 10, you’re getting a girl. Too much negative Karma, sorry. In your case, I’m thinking it’s about 23. Can I name her?

Answer to the 2nd question. No, I don’t do newborns. Call me next August.

To submit questions, askbens@yahoo.com

Dec 29, 2005

I've gotten quite a few anonymous questions, so just assume they were submitted that way unless otherwise told. Its been an interesting week. Supposedly one of the easiest of the year, but I've yet to go to bed before midnight. Anyway, here's the 2nd addition of Q&A w/Ben.

I have a zit under my right eyebrow. If I pop it, will it be more or less visible?

Much more visible, but you have to pop it anyway. Popping is just way to much fun. Do it in front of your work mirror, that'll piss people off.

How do I know when I'm old?

Age has absolutely nothing to do with how old you are. This fact is proven by Joe, that friend we all have, who happens to be 7 years older than us, likes dating girls 7 years younger than us, and likes hanging out with us, though he acts around the same age as the girls he's dating. Joe's age might be 33, but he's definitely around 14 years old. Ben has 4 measures being old; hair, memory, lint, lifecycle. When totaled, you get your relative age.

Hair - measured by A) the number of years since you got your first grey hair or B) the number of times you a week you need to clean the shower drain b/c your hair is clogging it or C) the number of hundreds of dollars you spend on your hair annually (more accurate for girls, most would be around $400 = 4, however my grandma is prob around $4,000 = 40)
Add the maximum of the 3 of those to...

Memory - The number of times a week you email yourself at home, from your work email, so you don't forget to do something when you get home. Plus the number of times a week you call your own voicemail to leave yourself a message. Plus the number of times a week you ask someone to remind you of something. Plus the number of times a week you write yourself a note.
Add this number to...

Lint - The number of years you've been finding lint in your belly button when you take your undershirt off. As far as I'm concerned, this is the most accurate of the 4 measures of oldness.
Add this number to...

Lifecycle - 3 times the number of bathrooms in the places you live/own minus 3. For example, if you are in a 1 bath studio, 1x3-3=0. Or, if you are in a dorm w/a communal bathroom, subtract 3. (if you have 2 houses with 3 bathrooms in each, that's 2x3x3-3=15.

From these calculations, I'm 14, and I estimate my dad is 62.5 and my grandma is 115 (she leaves herself a lot of notes).

I edited this for legibility, but I think you all still know who wrote it - My old friend just IMed me and like was like I haven't seen you in forever come visit me. I'm like, "ahh, I can't." He's like, "do you have any pictures." I'm like, "only a really bad one" and I showed him a really bad one and he's like "You are still hot." I'm like "haha, do have any?" And he gained a lot of weight in school I was like "Oh my god, you look so much older!" What is one supposed to say to that!?

You could say - you look, A) mature B) good too or C) the same. You're good at lying...try it sometime.

Who are the Gastineau girls and why are they famous and why do they have a TV show?

All I know is that they are a mother daughter version of Paris and Nicole. This is what I got from TV guide:

"Lisa is a former model who made mad money in a divorce settlement with NFL star hubby Mark Gastineau. Brittny, her daughter, hasn't worked a day in her life. She lived with her grandmother after her parents' divorce and is now moving back to her mother's NYC pad after leaving college in Alabama. They're both looking for fame, fortune, happiness and true love, though not necessarily in that order."

Yea, I don't it either. Why not just take two hot twins dumb twins or something. To me, there's no appeal to a mother daughter combination.

A few of us were sitting around the table discussing an issue and couldn't get an answer so we thought we would ask you, the wise one. As you know, Dillon (owner of Dillon's candy shop on 60th and 3rd) is the daughter of Ralph Lauren the famous polo shirt guy. The question came up and we had no clue as to the answer. Did Dillon spend Thanksgiving dinner with her dad?

The source 2 sources I found said that he had 3 children; one of them named Dylan, and did not mention their whereabouts on Thanksgiving. I did not know that the two were related however, Dillon spent the day with her mother's side of the family, and not her fathers.

If you knew your boyfriend's password, would you check his email? What if you got suspicious? What if he was your ex boyfriend?

I couldn't answer this one b/c I have a majorly biased opinion on the subject. However, I got a guest answerer, "Iowa,"to give you some "rational" thoughts.

I wouldn't -- if you felt the need to open then your relationship is definitely not based on trust. I would also want them to have a life separately than me, just like my friends share with me things I would never share with my boyfriend that have to do with their lives so i assume his friends would share with him. If he was having illicit email conversations with someone then your relationship is doomed anyways and you'd find out one way or another (i.e.via IM from someone you haven't talked to in like 10 yrs j/k had to put it in there) (no, you're not kidding!!)

If he's your ex boyfriend, then the answer is still no. Let's say you broke up because he was an asshole -- you wouldn't want to know what was going on anyways because really you don't want him in your life. Let's say he was the best thing that ever happened to you and he broke your heart would you really want to know that he was in love with someone else?

And if you broke up because you plain didn't like him -- do you really care? If you meant that much to him anything important in his life he would probably want to share with you and if you all meant that much to each other you would probably still keep up every once in awhile anyways.

Ben - On the irrational side, curiosity does get the better of most of us and many of us would not be strong enough to resist. If we got into the habit of checking, while you were dating, it would be hard to break that habit.

So Jason White wins the Heisman Trophy at Oklahoma... Whatever happened to him? He didn't get drafted into the NFL. Why not?

Not only did White win the Heisman in 2003, he came in second in voting in 2004. This all came after he hurt his knee and thus hardly played in 2001 and 2001. He was undrafted due to his lack of mobility, arm strength, health problems and due to the simplicity of the offence he played in during college. He was signed as a free agent after the draft by the Tennessee Titans but he retired from playing shortly after training camp started due to knee problems. I'm not sure what he's done for the last 8 months, but he'll probably end up coaching somewhere, my guess at a HS.

Why can't some people answer simple questions? I asked someone if they thought there was going to be an MTA strike, and they couldn't answer. Obv all I was looking for was an uneducated "yes" or "no" answer. I don't get it.

I have no answer to this one. I don't think I've ever met a guy with this problem, but I'm not saying it's a gender issue. My roommate's girlfriend is very similar. We asked her to guess how much a 1 hour appearance by Jay Leno would cost, and she wouldn't answer. Obviously, none of us were speaking from any prior knowledge but it was not hard for me to spit out $30,000 and my roommate to guess $400,000. For some reason, she got uncomfortable and couldn't say anything. I don't get it either. The real answer is $100,000, and we found out Cheryl Crow gets $400,000 if you want her for a private 1 hour performance!!

My question is simple and of course asked in a million movies. "Can a girl and a guy just be friends?" I used to believe it was possible but with all the stuff that has happened to me since I got home I'm questioning. And to add to it - Can a single girl and guy just be friends? And how does one of them or both of them having a "companion" make it more possible or does it really not matter. And to take it further...if they dated or were physical in the past...does that mean "just friends" is completely out of the picture?

The above questioner seems to be defining "just friends" as to no physical contact. Thus, for these purposes, I will keep that assumption in tact.

Absolutely! There are 6 different ways that a girl and a guy can be friends.

A) The guy is gay.
B) The guy is in a relationship / married and the girl is gay
C) The guy is single, but the girl is really ugly, I'm talking Quasimodo here.
D) Both are married and all 4 people like each other.
E) They used to be married, but now they are over 65, and their kids have kids.
F) They live at least 2,000 miles away and don't see each other more than 1x a year.

Any other combination, just will not work. Most of us can write pages on our own personal experiences. Being a math person, I'd be better off using a matrix with X's in the boxes that don't work. To answer the above questions, having a significant other will help the "friendship." If you've had relations in the past with this person, and you want to be just friends, you need to be very self confident / self actualized / and so does he (ie letter "D"). Now, you can have a very good relationship that's based on friendship w/o those above traits, however, you would need to be flirting, and possibly hooking up a little, thus breaking your definition of "just friends." Sorry, I'm not going to dive into the guy's conscious and give away all of our secrets as to what we are thinking and why we are friends w/some people.

"Robin" asks - Can I wear both a striped shirt and striped pants?

I'm no fashion expert, but that just sounds silly. As many of you know, there are only really 6 rules to fashion that I follow. Some other rules need to be added for girls, especially for the Tidal Wave that sits next to me at work. I've got about 25 rules for her including not wearing low ride jeans to work with a thong when they don't cover your ass and your thong strap is a good five inches above your pant line.

These are Ben's rules of fashion, which I've posted above the door of my bedroom, and keep in my wallet incase I travel.

1) Black socks=black shoes, colored socks=brown shoes, white socks=sneakers
2) No exposed belt loops. If you tuck in your shirt, wear a belt. No exceptions
3) Belt color must match shoe color (black w/black, brown w/brown)
4) Wear an undershirt
5) Don't wear the same color pants and shirt
6) No white pants, seriously, don't even think about it

Anyway, someone else here has to help "Robin" out because "striped shirt w/striped pants" is not on the list.

Where do babies come from?

Yea, these are my readers...

To contribute to this column, Email questions to Askbens@yahoo.com.

Dec 11, 2005

Ok, so here it is. The first installment of Ask Ben. If it totally sucks let me know...but at least it kept me interested all week!

Question Asker asks - My family does a gift exchange every year for Christmas but its not one of those one where you pick a specific person. You more or less buy a generic gift and then pick a random one and they get switched around from person to person as you go along. What can I buy for $40 that anyone...male or female between the ages of 18 and 55 might like?

I hate to give away my gift secrets, but I’ve started giving gift certificates to restaurants as gifts for engagements, birthdays and whatnot. If I go to a good restaurant or if I know the person’s favorite restaurant, then I'll buy a gift card. Most places do this. If its your family, maybe pick a place in your home town. Or, pick some place around you if you want your family to visit more. Of course, Boggle is fun for all ages, or golf lessons.

Anon asks – Who is the worst primetime TV character ever written?

I would start with the obvious, Lisa Kudrow on her new HBO show, The Comeback. The problem with this choice is that it seems like she’s adlibbing in the show, and thus, her character might not be written at all. This brings us to the other obvious choice; Tori Spelling / Donna Martin from 90210. As much as we all detest her, have been calling her the black hole for 20 years now, and she will never get a good gig like that again, we must concede that it might not have been the writing and might have been her horrible acting. This leaves us with Mischa Barton / Marissa Cooper, in the OC. She’s totally irrational, totally annoying and not even that good looking. While the OC has possibly 2 of the top 10 characters ever written (Seth and Sandy Cohen), it also has some horrible actors with some major character flaws. Mischa Barton tops that list.

JT asks - Why is this night different than all other nights?

December 8th will long live in infamy. This year, it was the 25th anniversary of John Lennon’s assignation. More importantly, in 1987, the US and Russia agreed to reduce their nuclear arsenals and in 1993, we signed NAFTA into law. Most importantly, Jana wrote this on Dec 8, 2003

Jessy asks - Why are girls so spiteful and unreasonable with little things that they stay upset forever and keep bringing up those little things while a guy will stay upset for a day or 2, and then says to himself "it was trivial, who cares anymore."?

I wish I knew. When I saw As Good as it Gets, I thought the line talking about how women think/act “I think of a man and take away reason and accountability” was accurate. Lately, I don’t even think that covers it anymore. I usually stay upset for 24 hours or less, unless its something huge, but I say the wrong thing while drunk or whatever, 8 years later it will still be brought up. So yea, I hear ya.

Anon asked - Would you call yourself a romantic?

No, it makes me somewhat uncomfortable. I don’t understand how Josh does it so well…to me, it’s like the one thing that embarrasses me.

Pink asks - “Why am I so cool?”

I’ll answer w/part of her own email conversation she had w/me (4 different emails though I did not respond to any)“

omg is tonite the vs fashion show or no?

ok no just kidding its the 10th

ok no wait its not ahh every1 is telling me diff things im confuised!!!

ok its tonite yay”

Yea, these are my readers...

If I did not select your question, do not despair. Try harder and maybe time I’ll choose it. askbens@yahoo.com