Good Decisions
I got this advice from a friend:
"be careful with the choices you make but don't look back and wonder what if with every decision you make its better to give something a shot then to give up on it without ever knowing. Don't worry about what other people think about you and how you look and all that just be yourself and do what makes you happy. Sorry for the language - but when it comes down to it, who gives a fuck what others have to say 'cause if you do what you want and believe in then you'll be happy regardless"
1) Is this sound advice? What about when what makes you happy is not accepted by your family, or not socially acceptable?
2) What if your decisions "hurt" other people?
3) How do you know if the things that make you happy in the moment are the things that will make you happy in the long run?
4) Is this just the advice people tell themselves so that they can make risky choices without regard for consequences?
1) The first half of the above statement is good advice. Don’t look back and wonder what if, unless it’ll help you avoid making the same mistake twice. It is definitely better to give something a shot than to give up on it w/o ever knowing. However, that does not mean you should doubt your instincts and give something/someone a shot when your instincts tell you not to.
The second piece of the advice is just "pie in the sky, how the world should be" crap. It sounds nice to say, but it isn’t practical at all. You aren’t going to be happy if other people don’t agree with your decisions and thus there’s an inherent contradiction in the statement about doing what you want w/o worry about what other people think. We are trying to build a society here, and we all can’t be anarchists who do whatever they want whenever they want. Most of us respect our friends, respect our parents, respect our peers…and thus, if we don’t have approval from those people, we will not fully enjoy that which “makes us happy.” It would take a very strong character to make decisions that don’t make other people happy. I’m not that strong.
I DO give a fuck about what others have to say, to a fault. I care what people I don’t know have to say, I care about what people who I do like have to say, and I care way too much about what people who don’t like me have to say. Unfortunately, I rarely care about what those who do like me have to say. Do you know why? Because they care about me, so they will support my good and bad decisions, so I don’t really need their acceptance and I likely take them for granted. That being said, the people who care about me are the ONLY people whose opinions I should actually care about, and IF they will support me if I make good or bad decisions, THEN technically, I should be able to almost anything I want, and still maintain the support of those whose opinions I care about. DID YOU FOLLOW THAT? I pretty much changed my stance on the second half....but my personality isn't there yet, even though I realize it.
2) Of course some decisions you make will hurt people. Knowing you, you have put their feelings ahead of yours as much as possible, and if you are making a decision to hurt someone, then it is a last resort decision. We all hurt people over our lives. Whether it’s an undeserved snotty comment here, or a huge decision there, we all have to do it at some point, and it can be the hardest decision you ever make. Just because you make a decision that hurts someone, that doesn’t mean you are being selfish, it likely means you are thinking about your next question, the long term.
3) Long term decisions are much bigger than short term decisions. Most short term decisions are exactly that, decisions that are easy and do make you happy in the short term. Eventually, you’ll start see that the short term decisions you are making are no longer making you happy, and a bigger, longer term decision needs to be made. There are no right or wrong decisions, just things you do and things you don’t do, however, hindsight is 20/20, so you’ll think you made a mistake. What’s most important is that you write down why you made a decision to remember what you were thinking at that time, so you can realize that even though it didn’t work out how you thought it would, at the time, it was the right decision. Most of us do think about the long term decisions, and if they will make us happier before doing them. Short term decisions do not need that much thought, and thus their utility isn’t as useful in driving your life one direction or another. If you are making a long term decision, that will hurt someone, I trust that you’re only making it because it’s a last resort, and it has been well thought out, for the sake of the rest of your life, sacraficign your short term happiness.
4) This is the advice we have to tell ourselves. This type of advice can inspire us to take risks, to believe in the optimistic. It’s a positive view of how the world should be, and how easy the world would be... but life isn’t that easy, and neither are decisions.
"be careful with the choices you make but don't look back and wonder what if with every decision you make its better to give something a shot then to give up on it without ever knowing. Don't worry about what other people think about you and how you look and all that just be yourself and do what makes you happy. Sorry for the language - but when it comes down to it, who gives a fuck what others have to say 'cause if you do what you want and believe in then you'll be happy regardless"
1) Is this sound advice? What about when what makes you happy is not accepted by your family, or not socially acceptable?
2) What if your decisions "hurt" other people?
3) How do you know if the things that make you happy in the moment are the things that will make you happy in the long run?
4) Is this just the advice people tell themselves so that they can make risky choices without regard for consequences?
1) The first half of the above statement is good advice. Don’t look back and wonder what if, unless it’ll help you avoid making the same mistake twice. It is definitely better to give something a shot than to give up on it w/o ever knowing. However, that does not mean you should doubt your instincts and give something/someone a shot when your instincts tell you not to.
The second piece of the advice is just "pie in the sky, how the world should be" crap. It sounds nice to say, but it isn’t practical at all. You aren’t going to be happy if other people don’t agree with your decisions and thus there’s an inherent contradiction in the statement about doing what you want w/o worry about what other people think. We are trying to build a society here, and we all can’t be anarchists who do whatever they want whenever they want. Most of us respect our friends, respect our parents, respect our peers…and thus, if we don’t have approval from those people, we will not fully enjoy that which “makes us happy.” It would take a very strong character to make decisions that don’t make other people happy. I’m not that strong.
I DO give a fuck about what others have to say, to a fault. I care what people I don’t know have to say, I care about what people who I do like have to say, and I care way too much about what people who don’t like me have to say. Unfortunately, I rarely care about what those who do like me have to say. Do you know why? Because they care about me, so they will support my good and bad decisions, so I don’t really need their acceptance and I likely take them for granted. That being said, the people who care about me are the ONLY people whose opinions I should actually care about, and IF they will support me if I make good or bad decisions, THEN technically, I should be able to almost anything I want, and still maintain the support of those whose opinions I care about. DID YOU FOLLOW THAT? I pretty much changed my stance on the second half....but my personality isn't there yet, even though I realize it.
2) Of course some decisions you make will hurt people. Knowing you, you have put their feelings ahead of yours as much as possible, and if you are making a decision to hurt someone, then it is a last resort decision. We all hurt people over our lives. Whether it’s an undeserved snotty comment here, or a huge decision there, we all have to do it at some point, and it can be the hardest decision you ever make. Just because you make a decision that hurts someone, that doesn’t mean you are being selfish, it likely means you are thinking about your next question, the long term.
3) Long term decisions are much bigger than short term decisions. Most short term decisions are exactly that, decisions that are easy and do make you happy in the short term. Eventually, you’ll start see that the short term decisions you are making are no longer making you happy, and a bigger, longer term decision needs to be made. There are no right or wrong decisions, just things you do and things you don’t do, however, hindsight is 20/20, so you’ll think you made a mistake. What’s most important is that you write down why you made a decision to remember what you were thinking at that time, so you can realize that even though it didn’t work out how you thought it would, at the time, it was the right decision. Most of us do think about the long term decisions, and if they will make us happier before doing them. Short term decisions do not need that much thought, and thus their utility isn’t as useful in driving your life one direction or another. If you are making a long term decision, that will hurt someone, I trust that you’re only making it because it’s a last resort, and it has been well thought out, for the sake of the rest of your life, sacraficign your short term happiness.
4) This is the advice we have to tell ourselves. This type of advice can inspire us to take risks, to believe in the optimistic. It’s a positive view of how the world should be, and how easy the world would be... but life isn’t that easy, and neither are decisions.
posted by Ben Steger | 9:34 PM
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