Q&A for Men (who are acting like women)

Questions from men, answered by a man-ish:

Q: I have been emailing with this girl for a few days that I met at a party last week. I’m not sure she’s interested and I don’t want to ask for her number and get rejected b/c we’ll be seeing a lot of each other in the future due to our mutual friends. She’s not very responsive to the emails, but I believe that’s because she’s either A) busy or B) just doesn’t like email. She takes a while to respond and doesn’t really put in much effort to answer all the questions and whatnot. We got along great in person though. How can I find out w/o it getting weird?

A: Try sending an email like this: “I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, b/c you could possibly be really young, but the proper way to respond to an email is to answer all the questions asked of you, then ask a few more of your own to elicit a similar response from me Perhaps, growing up in the cell phone age, you are more accustomed to texting… if you’d like to switch to that format of communication, I believe it can be arranged.”

Feel free to end that email with “I’d be happy to oblige” or “I suppose I can acquiesce” or “I guess I can make the sacrifice” instead of the other suggested line.

If she likes you, she’ll laugh, she'll apologize and respond with a full email and she’ll send her number. If not, she’ll say she’s been really busy, but you’ll know, and it won’t be awkward going forward. At that time, you’re welcome to tease the crap out of her with “you could have told me” or “I’m pretty sure I’m your #1 priority” or something to that affect or effect.


Q: My friend has a date with a girl on a Sunday. He doesn’t know what time to make it for. Is 7:30 too early? I feel like it’s a pretty “safe” time to offer up. It’s a first date so he's nervous.

A: Is he a woman? Tell him to stop thinking too much because no girl likes a guy who cares too much before he should. I used to get nervous all the time, those girls were the ones who didn’t like me back because it was sooo obvious how much I wanted it. 7:30 is fine for a Sunday, but it can’t end before 9pm b/c she’ll get home and wonder what she’s doing the rest of the evening. He has gotta make it last until 10pm, but can’t go much past 11 b/c it’s Sunday. Perhaps, 8:15pm is the best time to be on the “safe” side.


Q: I met this girl at an event on Wednesday and on Friday a girl w/the same first name emailed the group some “spam-ish” type email. What should I respond with? I don’t even know if it’s the same girl.

A: I need background on her, your conversations with her.

Q: We were talking about how after the event she was going to break it off w/some guy she was dating. Don’t remember much else.

A: Email “Hi ####: Thanks for the mass email! (you are teasing her) Are you the Alli I met on Wednesday at the Event? If you are, then it was great to meet you and I hope the dumping of that guy went great. If you are not, then you should feel honored to be confused with such a lovely lady. Take care”


Q: How far ahead of time do you have to look if you want to buy a place?

A: Guest Response b/c I have no clue:
*3 months to close (could be less, but plan for worst)
*1 month for negotiation/acceptance of bid
*1-3 months of looking before you find a place you really like

Obviously all of these can be shorter (or longer) like if you find the place of your dreams the first apt. you go into. But otherwise, I think that is about right.

More on Ex's, Bosses, and My Life

When I’ve got writing brain freeze, there’s no better way to unthaw it than a Q&A!

From OCD: How come it seems like no matter how much you feel you are over your ex, think they are actually kind of annoying, have stopped thinking about them regularly, it really really sucks when you find out they have a new girlfriend?

There are 2 reasons and they revolve around questioning yourself (confidence) and jealousy.

First we constantly question ourselves about our decisions not to be with someone. When a different girl decides she wants to be with a particular boy that you didn't want to be with, you start thinking "does she know something I don’t' know?" or "why does she fit better than I fit?" “Maybe it was me?” This is all about self confidence. When you made your decision to break up, you were confident in it. Be confident in it in the future.

The second reaction is jealousy. No matter if you dumped him or not, you still don't want anyone to be with him. You were "the one" for some period, and that should never change. It's kinda like how boys want to be with a girl who's never been with another guy before him. He's jealous over someone he never met that she dated 4 years earlier.

Oh, I forgot the 3rd reason…boys suck.


From Panhead: What is the appropriate way to ask your boss for something to do? It is always way more awkward to ask for work, than pretending to be working. But I would rather have some work to do, on these occasions that arise.

You hit the nail on the head. You absolutely do not want to walk into your boss’s office and say “do you have anything for me to work on?” That’s obviously the wrong decision.

My suggestions are 4 fold:
1) You are nuts, do not ask your boss for more work. Why would you want more work?

2) If you like the company, try to learn more about what everyone else at your level does. You don’t have to ask your boss for more work, but you can let your peers know that you have more time, or are curious about what they do and how they do it.

3) Start doing more work. If you know what your boss does with your work once it’s done, maybe do his work a few times and show him. That may get you fired for being too ambitious and stepping on others toes, but it may get you promoted for showing initiative. Instead of asking for more work, suggest that you be allowed to take your work to the next level.

4) If you don’t really like your company, enjoy the time off. Get a blackberry so you can search the web and chat and do everything you could want to do when not at work, during work. Feel free to leave the office on long walks and / or go shopping.


What the hell have you been doing and why aren’t you writing?!

I’ve gotten this question a few times, and the answer is pretty simple: I’m busy and I’m lazy. Deal with it!

Here’s what I’ve been busy doing...

New 09 Responsibilities:
I’ve already written about IMentor, Ibro, but this year, the year of “Everything’s Fine in 09,” I’ve taken on a few more responsibilities.

I’m on the board of the Young Friends of JBFCS. We’re a group that goes to all the JBFCS buildings and plays with the kids that are being housed there. Sometimes its sports, sometimes it’s a holiday party, but it’s really rewarding and fun and we’ve got a great group of people who participate.

I’m an Observer on the board of The Isabella Freedman Retreat Center in North Western Connecticut. When UJA asked me to be an observer on this board, I hardly knew anything about it. The more I learn however, the more I like it. There are all kinds of programs and spiritual retreats for youth and elderly. There’s a green program as well, where people live off the land for 3 months. If is the standard for running a “green” organization, and they are working to teach everyone else to be the same. The Center has a ton of leadership changes going on now, and it’s actually a really exciting time to be involved.

I’m on the Community Connections Board at UJA. We’re a group of 10 young professionals that had $200K to give out to 4 or 5 projects around the city. These projects are meant to facilitate communication between Jewish teens and other ethnicities in their neighborhoods in the city and slightly beyond. We are funding a modified “West Side Story” show in Washington Heights. We are funding an entrepreneurship program, where kids get to start a company in Crown Heights. There are 2 other programs as well, including one dealing with science projects too. We only meet every other month, but it’s really really interesting work, especially when we visit our projects (I’m going this week!).

Books:
The Last Lecture: A guide book to how to live your life by a terminally ill. It describes his journey to give a lecture to his students about life, and that lecture. Really touching, really good advice. I didn’t cry.

Look at the Birdie: Fantastic book by the late Kurt Vonnegut. While his books follow one really well written quirky character through a crazy story, this is a bunch of really well written short stories with many quirky characters. You jump right into each story and he doesn’t tell you much about the characters. You learn about their lot in life as you read about their trials. Of course, I posted my favorite quote (about marriage) from the book on Facebook and it got me in lotsa trouble w/my DJ and her friends. It was something like “Single people are lonely, but married people are lonely with dependants.”

Time Traveler’s Wife: This is my kinda story. Not because it’s a chick book. Not b/c it’s about time travel, and not b/c it’s well written. It’s my kinda story b/c it’s organized really well. I like how each 3-5 page chapter is a different time, a different year, and a different age of the characters. I could care less that the writing isn’t so great, that the story has loopholes that make no sense, and that the theme is supposed to be all sad and sappy when it really isn’t. What I care about is organization, b/c that’s what I’m good at. If I ever finish my book, it’ll be similar to this.

Lolita: I haven’t started this yet but it was highly recommended to me by my friend Cheryl. She said it’s “the most beautifully written book. It’s like a poem.” That could be the worst review ever for a book, except that she recommended “The Road” to me (which was awesome) and has read more books than I’ll ever read. She also said she rereads this one every few years, so that’s gotta mean something, considering the only books I’ve reread are Harry Potter books.

TV Shows:
I’m in full TV swing here this fall, and I’m actually keeping up. I tried to get into Mad Men, but don’t seem to have the time. However, I am keeping up with The Office, Project Runway, Grey’s Anatomy, and How I Met Your Mother. Grey’s is still terrible but the rest are just fantastic! Of course, Sunday’s, I’m watching football. Come January, I’ll have much more time. (Even December the way my teams are playing this year).

Hanging w/my DJ:
I’m giving it a shot. Ya know…for real. Personally, I believe there is absolutely a reason that the word “COMMITTED” can mean both in a relationship, and institutionalized. That won’t stop me from trying to be one, without becoming the other! Of course, I can’t speak for my DJ. She’s got no problem with one, though sometimes, like all girls, I think she needs the other.  Anyway, I’ve met most of her friends, I’ve met her parents, I’ve met her grandma, I’ve met one of 4 siblings and, most importantly, they all think I’m Ok. I think.

Planning my Birthday:
I’m not going to post too much about the planning process because I’m likely going to post a ton about it afterwards. However, I’ve booked a house in Puerto Rico, got a flight, invited most of my friends and family and am ready for Shenanigans. If only everyone else would book their flights!