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Thursday, August 17, 2006

Marry Jewish?

This question has been asked to me numerous times in my life, and much more recently.

How important is it to you to marry someone Jewish?

I usually answer the same way, "It's very important to me...BUT" and I leave it open ended.

Let me explain in no particular order:

Kids: I want my kids to have a sense of their history, tradition, and a sense of belonging. I want them to feel, as I do, that they are a part of something bigger than themselves and they can take comfort in that. BUT I don't necessarily want to bring them up Jewish religiously. I do want them to have a Jewish identity and a feeling that Jewish history is their history and is their culture. BUT they can get that from me and any partner, not just a Jewish one.

Family: As I look to the future, I visualize our families merging, as my brother in laws family has and definitely as my cousin's wife's family has. BUT I'm sure that could happen with a family from another religion, but it would take more effort, and there would be less comfort in making that effort. I look at Dan and Christine, for example. I'm no insider, but it seems as though their families get along very well, and their sets of parents have a good working relationship.

Culture: To me, Judaism is less about religion, and more about culture and tradition. Finding someone who shares the same history, and same culture will obviously mean we have more in common, which possibly creates more of a spark/connection. By finding a girl who is Jewish, I may be more able to more easily know what she is thinking and more easily understand where she is coming from. We'd share the same morals, values, and customs. BUT this does not mean I couldn't have that same connection with a girl from another faith and to assume I couldn't find that connection would be arrogant and judgmental. Teaching someone my history, culture, customs, morals and bringing them into that environment could be as rewarding as finding someone who already shares that with me.

Religion BUT: Ironically, this is the least important reason to marry Jewish for me. Finding someone with strong Jewish beliefs would be almost as alien to me personally as finding someone with strong Wicca beliefs. I think I'd have more in common with an agnostic Christian than a religious Jew from this prospective.

Concerns: My family obviously has an opinion on the subject and that opinion is important to me. BUT they would never tell me what to do, which almost makes it harder to chose "incorrectly." This puts the pressure on me to make the "right" decision. I sometimes wonder if grandma would be more happy with an Ethiopian Jewish wife or an non practicing Christian. I really have no idea. So, as I said, "It is important - BUT." It would be quite a hypocrisy for me to to exclude someone, especially someone I deem to be the girl of my dreams, over it. Considering how long I've been searching.